makes me want to kill myself.

Just sayin’.

Yo girl,

It’s 1:29 and your test is at 1:30

You gonna be late.

What were you doin’?

Staring at the TV?

It ain’t on.

I know way too much about rowing, and way too little about physics.

I don’t hear no jokes.

Steps For Hygiene

1. Take off clothes

2. Shower

3. Put on deodorant

My roommate doesn’t need no fucking instructions.

“hmm sparkles nice”

these are the words i hear at 1:06 from my sleeping roommate’s mouth.

i don’t see any sparkles.

i thought i would come back from vacation with more tolerance for my beloved living partner but i only lasted 20 minutes before i shot myself in the face

She takes the remote and changes the channel to MTVu.

I think “Huh, she’s going to listen to music from the tv. Ok, I’m cool with that.”

I look at her.

She has her headphones on.

Obviously, this music isn’t good enough for her ears, but it’s good enough for mine.

was about to make a post where i said “that smells like it’s burning” and she was ignoring me, but now there is smoke everywhere and i had to disable the smoke alarm so now it’s not funny and i am choking

oh she just left

cool

I woke up from a nap today, from something that sounded like a pig snorting cocaine.

Nope, just my roommate laughing at a youtube video.